June 30, 2009

Or maybe not

Apparently it's a hoax, he's not dead, Rick Astley that is. Perhaps he wasn't one of ET's peeps?

And on a completely different note...

Why are all the celebs snuffing it?

MJ, Farrah and now Rick Astley. On the local front, Fred Hayward, from Mean Mr. Mustard and our now infamous ex number 9 bokkie, J vd W, not to be outdone by, collapses amidst serious speculations and secretiveness about the actual severity of his condition.

I'm telling you, the planets are out of whack. Or ET has decided to call his peeps home.

June 28, 2009

I dreamt last night

I have never been one to believe in prophecy, I believe that although God guides us, we create our own destiny, but last night I had a dream.

I penned a letter to one of my IF sisters. It was one of those dreams, where some details are incredibly clear, and other were not. I couldn't see who the letter was addressed to, but was sure that it was me that was writing it. I woke before the letter was signed, with tears in my eyes, yet I was not sad, but full of joy. I felt compelled to record my dream, got up and walked to the kitchen, on my grocery list, I wrote;


Today the angels in heaven sing, because your heart is filled with joy...

I signed the letter off, "always in admiration", and although I had a strong urge to date it September, I dated it 2010. I began reading the letter and I knew who it was for, I filled in her name.

Dear Mandy-Leigh,
Sometime very soon, I will be writing you a letter for the birth of your son. He will be strong and healthy, and when you look at him, you will know that you were never forsaken. You will look into his eyes and know how much God has always loved you, and you will have peace.

June 26, 2009


To my gorgeous step son, who has given me joy, laughter and a fair share of grey hairs. I cannot believe that 10 years has gone by so fast, and the little boy who was to become my son, has grown into a man.

Happy 18th birthday my boy. May the world grant you all your desires.

June 24, 2009

Thank You

I've been a bit of an errant blogger lately, things have been incredibly busy and difficult with our business of late, and big changes are being made in the very near future, hopefully.

I want to extend a huge thank you to my sister for the sms you sent me, you've been there for me through thick and thin, and your love and support mean the world to me. To my Mom, who understands me better than I understand myself, thank you, for loving me unconditionally, no matter what I put you through. And, to my Dad, whom I know will have some words of wisdom and a bear hug of comfort, thank you, thank you, thank you....

To my internet sista's; From a humble little letter I wrote, to vent my feelings and be rid of my demons, I gained so much hope in the human race. So many would have found it difficult to comment. Your support and messages of love touched me so deeply, and I am so incredibly appreciative to have come across such an amazing fraternity of kind, compassionate, amazingly strong women. You are each truly wonderful in your own rights, and each one of you set aside your own hurts to support me through mine, for this I will never forget you. Thank you to each and every one of you, your words mean more to me than you'll ever know.

June 17, 2009

I am 5 months old

I've hijacked Mommy's blog today. I thought you would all like to know how big I am, and the interesting things I have learned in the last few weeks.
Mommy says I have found my voice. I don't think I have, I just don't only use it for crying anymore. I love to have conversations with people, especially at 4:00am. Usually Mommy doesn't talk back, but last night she said that it's high time I move into my own room now. Strange story to tell at that time in the morning don't you think?

I can roll over onto my tummy, but I much prefer it if Mommy does it for me. I can even do a worm crawl. Mommy keeps telling me I need to go forwards, but backwards it far more interesting.
Mommy added bananas to my diet this month. I love them, but Mommy keeps wanting to add other things like mash and butternut. Gross! I'll just stick to my apples and bananas thanks Mom.
Daddy told Mommy she needs to cool it with all the toys she's been buying me. I don't know why, I love my new playgym and foam balls, they're so much fun. Mommy also bought me a book, but I'm not too sure what to do with it, it doesn't taste very nice and it doesn't make a noise.

Daddy is convinced that I am going to be a playa, I love ladies and I flash them my best smile every time I see a new one. I just love talking to the till ladies when Mommy goes shopping.
Did you know that I have toes? They're so new and interesting! Daddy told me he wishes he could go back to the days when he could put his toes in his mouth, but Mommy doesn't find it very funny when I do it and she's trying to dress me after bath. I also found out that I have places on my tummy that make me laugh. When I'm bored, I wiggle my fingers on my tummy and laugh really loud. Everybody says it's too cute, I just think it's funny.

Here are some photos for you lovely ladies.

You can see I got a little bit thin when I was sick.

Until next month.
Lots of love,

June 12, 2009

A Letter to my Abuser

Dear Abuser,

A number of years ago you chose me as number 23. I was barley 13 when you decided to take my innocence. You abused my small body indiscriminately and broke my mind. I have to wonder whether at that time you knew that my spirit would be difficult to break, if you were bored, if you wanted a challenge. You played mind games with me, you threatened that which was most precious to me, to keep my silence. You plunged me into womenhood, stole my childhood and made me fear the opposite sex.

I still don't know how you reacted when I stood up. If you were suprised that I had decided to fight you. I don't know how you could've been? You always knew I was a fighter.

Could you have anticipated that when I stood up that number 21 and number 16 would follow. Our justice system failed the victims again and you walked away with a 3 year suspended sentence, a wife and a beautiful daughter, but your reputation and pride were not in tact.

I moved on as best I could, I thought I was rid of you. Imagine my suprise then when I discovered yesterday that you had been poking around on my Facebook profile. My instant reaction was fear. I wanted to deleted my profile. I wondered if you had seen the pictures of my beautiful son, if you had found your way to my blog. I wanted to delete my blog and all other internet profiles. To protect myself from you.

As I lay in bed last night thinking about what you have done, and how you have once again invaded my privacy, I began to remember why I stood up, why I fought you and why I obtained victory.

It is because of this, that I hope you have found this blog. I hope you are reading this, and you can see how happy I am.

I have a message for you. Something I have wanted to say for a long time.

I am NOT your victim anymore. I am HAPPY, despite your actions. You NEVER did, nor will you EVER break my spirit. I AM a stronger person because of you. I will NEVER forget you or what you did because it is the fibre of who I am today. You set out to destroy me, but I came out a STRONGER and a BETTER person. I am NOT ashamed of being a survivor. I am NOT scared of you. I stood against you as a little girl and I am STILL standing!

I am not going anywhere, you coward. I AM RIGHT HERE, and I WILL STAY HERE!

June 11, 2009

10 of my Strangest Characteristics

  1. I am a bit of a potty mouth
  2. I have NEVER, and I do mean NEVER, gone to bed without brushing my teeth
  3. I am in my very late 20's and I've never had a tooth filled
  4. My knees dislocate all by their lonesome and without warning, even after having surgery
  5. I will not use a pen that some one else has used
  6. I very rarely think before speaking
  7. I most often get into trouble for not thinking before speaking
  8. I have a very active imagination and write poetry
  9. I am a musician not by trade, but have being playing music since I can remember
  10. I cannot drive without sunglasses, my eyes are too light sensitive

Now you know... care to share yours

June 10, 2009



I hopped onto the torture me now, um I mean scale yesterday for entertainment value. I figured the day couldn't get any worse.

And....... I am back to my pre fertility treatment and pre pregnancy weight. Happy, dance, happy, dance!!!!!!

The tummy is flat again, the bum still needs some work, but all in all I am starting to become a little happier with my appearance. (Gasp, shock and horror... she's happier with her body)?

June 08, 2009

Hair is

cut, coloured and looking fabulous!

Thank you to my super talented sister.

Now bring on the 15th, so that I can get paid and buy a camera that works.

June 04, 2009

I Have Decided

I'm leaving my hair dark, and my sister, the uber talented hair stylest, is going to cut and style it for me on the weekend.

Here's what I'm doing.

I love the colour too, but I'm far to conservative to even attempt it.

Spoiler alert!!!!

Of all the programs on tv, I absolutely love Greys Anatomy. I simply cannot miss an episode! I love the characters, the story line is brilliant, and the way the MacDreamy looks at Mer, is just the most dreamy thing on the planet. I was sad to see some of the previous characters leave the show, and I absolutely broke my little heart when Denny died. But, when Izzy got sick I absolutely HAD to read further and see what happens. I'm HORRIFIED.

Giant spoiler alert, if you watch the show religously, and don't want to know what happens then don't read further.

Derek figures out a way to get to Izzie's tumor. He wants to remove part of her hippocampus, a common surgery for seizure patients, but one that could affect her memory and her speech. Given the severe possible side effects, Izzie is reluctant to go that route. Dr. Swender wants to try her on IL2 medicine, which has kept her "miracle" patient alive and tumor-free for two years.To see how Izzie's memory might be affected by the surgery, they do a test where they show her flashcards and then ask her to say what was on them, repeating it with the right half of her brain has been put to sleep. She's unable to speak or even nod when Meredith asks her to tell her who Alex is. Dr. Swender and Meredith are adamantly opposed to the surgery and after talking to the IL2 patient, Izzie decides to try the less radical approach.Alex wants to know what Derek would do: "What if it was Meredith?" he asks. Derek tells him, "I would ask her to have the surgery."

Owen tells Cristina he's had a good session with his shrink, but she wants to know when he's going to tell his mother he's back from Iraq. George works with Owen on a patient, an ex-soldier with constant, excruciating pain in his leg. The doctors can't find anything wrong, but the soldier wants them to cut if off so he can get back to Iraq. George asks the soldier why he wants to go back so badly and he explains that he has nothing in common with his relatives and that the guys in Iraq are his "real family." Arizona wants Miranda to scrub in with her on a pediatric case, but Richard lures her back to general surgery with his newest acquisition: A high-tech robotic operating system. She absolutely loves it and eagerly jumps at the chance to do a second surgery with the hospital's new toy. Arizona vows to fight the Chief for Miranda's time.Alex can't believe Izzie has decided against the surgery. "It's not just your life at stake anymore," he shouts at her. "You're having the surgery!" Derek is furious with Cristina for talking Izzie out of the surgery, until Meredith tells him she's the one who talked to Izzie. Meredith tells Derek how her mother wasn't her mother anymore once she got Alzheimer's, how she lost her dignity, her memory. Derek insists it's not the same thing, and that Izzie's condition is treatable. He orders Meredith, as his resident, to go back and talk Izzie into the surgery.

Izzie is talking over her decision with the IL2 patient when the woman collapses. Surgery doesn't go well and Izzie looks on as Swender tells the woman's family that there is no hope she'll ever be off a ventilator.Izzie pages George to ask him what to do. "You know what to do," he says. "You've already made the decision." Izzie tells Derek he can operate, but she doesn't want to end up on a ventilator. She signs a DNR but Alex wants her to tear it up. "I can't live like this," she says. "And I can't live if something goes wrong. It's not what I want." She says she "went crazy" when Denny signed his DNR but begs Alex not to do the same thing. "If it comes down to it, just let me go," she pleads.Owen tells Cristina he's decided to go back to Iraq, and that his nightmares are the result of "unfinished business." She tells him she doesn't want him to die. He asks her, "Come with me," and they end up on his mother's doorstep.It's a different doctor who knocks on the army recruiter's door: George, who's inspired by the soldier's passion. The soldier talks Callie into amputating his leg but she freezes when it comes time to cut. "We're not doing harm. We're saving him," Owen tells her.

After seeing Izzie wheeled off to surgery, Meredith says to Derek, "Let's go to City Hall tomorrow. I don't want to spend another day not being married to you." After the surgery, Izzie wakes and is told she's fine, apart from "sluggish" kidneys. She is jubilant when Derek tells her he got the whole tumor out. But then she asks again about how the surgery went. And again. "Did you screw up her brain?" demands Alex, but Derek asks him to stay calm, that this could just be a temporary post-op condition. Since Derek and Meredith are getting married, and won't want housemates anymore, Mark asks Lexie to move in with him. When she says she wants to wait several years, at least, he takes a patient's advice and tells her that he's "moving on" and that he's going to buy a house on his own.After the visit to his mother, Owen tells Cristina he slept without any nightmares for the first night since he's been home. "I'm getting better," he tells her, and asks her to think about taking him back.

George stuns everyone with the news that he's joined the Army to be a trauma surgeon. Miranda and Callie plan an intervention for later that day to stop him from reporting for duty the next morning. Arizona doesn't understand why they have to stop him, saying it's "awesome," that he's joined up. Callie can't believe Arizona won't back her up and asks, "Who are you?"Arizona demands to know why Miranda isn't jumping for joy at the news she's been awarded a prestigious pediatrics fellowship. Miranda explains it's a big decision: If she accepts the job, along with the extra hours of training, her husband will divorce her. A severe trauma case comes in: A man who jumped in front of a bus to save a woman he didn't even know. The team works on him frantically, debating whether they can save his arm. His skull is bashed in, so he can't speak and he has no I.D., so they dub him, "John Doe." The woman whom he saved tells Meredith how she was mean to him, just before he saved her life, but now she's decided he's her Prince Charming, and refuses to leave his side.During surgery on John Doe, Owen wonders how George will do in Iraq. "You think he can handle it?" he asks and Callie says, "No, I don't." But Derek says, "I think he's going to surprise us all," and Mark predicts, "He's coming home in a body bag." Meredith asks them all to "shut the hell up."

Alex starts writing down vital infromation on notes for Izzie, notes like, "Derek got the whole tumor out." And "Your memory sucks." He repeatedly quizzes her on details like what time she got up, but she can't remember any of it. Cristina tells him that Izzie needs to rest, but Alex believes she needs to exercise her memory, "before it all turns to mush." Cristina threatens to ban Alex from her bedside if he keeps badgering her and he insists that Izzie's future depends on him. Cristina wants to know if Meredith is happy, if the therapy worked. "Are you better now?" she asks. Meredith confesses she's getting married today and Cristina hands her something new (a pack of Post-its), something borrowed (a pen), both blue. After lamenting about Izzie's condition, Meredith says, "It's important to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you." She smiles and says, "I love you Cristina Yang." "You have changed," says Cristina, who goes to tell Owen that she loves him and that she "can't breathe without you." Owen tells her, "We can do this. Just meet me halfway. All you have to do is say yes." Arizona tells Callie why she thinks George enlisting is a good thing: "My brother died because there weren't enough doctors over there. So for my money, George O'Malley is a patriot. So yeah, the word I use is awesome. That's who I am." Callie stops her from leaving the room and apologizes. Alex keeps drilling a fatigued and confused Izzie until she tells him to back off. "You made me promise you that you wouldn't live like this," he shouts. "So now what am I supposed to do? Smother you with a pillow?"

Miranda asks Richard if there's still a spot available in general surgery. He can't believe she's asking to come back when he's finally given her his approval to join pediatrics. "Tucker gave me an ultimatum: My fellowship or our marriage," she explains, saying she's going to leave him. But she has to turn down the fellowship because now she's going to be a single mom. Meredith panics because there isn't time to get married, between watching Izzie, George's intervention, and all their surgeries. Derek tells her they can get married another day, but she replies, "There is no other day. Every day is like this. Every day is a crisis. I love you and I want to marry you today, but there is no time." He asks her if she has a piece of paper and suggests they write their vows right then. She hands him a blue Post-it. "What do we want to promise each other?" "That you'll love me even when you hate me." "No running," Derek suggests. "We'll take care of each other even when we're old and smelly and senile. And if I get Alzheimer's and forget you," she adds and he says he'll remind her who he is every day. He writes it all on down and asks her to sign. "This is our wedding? A Post-it?" she asks, but she signs it and Derek says, "Now I kiss the bride."
Izzie unloads on Cristina about how Alex threatened to smother her with a pillow and they both realize that she's got her memory back. Cristina finds Owen and tells him, "Yes." Callie and Miranda are stunned to learn that George has already left the hospital: Richard told him to take the day off and spend it with his mother. John Doe tries to communicate with Meredith. He spells out "007" in her palm. She realizes with a shock who he is: It's George!Alex gets the news about Izzie's memory having returned and joyfully hugs her, saying, "You're back," but she collapses in his arms. Alex tries to revive her but Cristina reminds him that she'd signed a DNR. "Alex it's not what she wants," she says, but he keeps working on her. "Screw the DNR," Richard shouts and they all try to bring her back. We see Izzie, in the prom dress she wore the day Denny died, get into the elevator. The door opens and George is waiting for her in uniform.

WTF WTF WTF WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm upset, distraught even. And now we have to wait months to find out what happens. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

June 01, 2009

Still here...

Still here, still have the flu, still feel like crap!

Will update both blogs soon... promise