February 23, 2010

Surgery, Infections and throat closing?

D day today. My husband goes in for his biopsies, scopes and maybe another drain. We took the dressing off yesterday, he was complaining of immense pain. Not a pretty sight, and it's safe to say there is a pretty nasty infection around his original drain incision.

In other news, did you know that stress can manifest itself by making you feel like you're being strangled? I didn't, now I do, and I refuse to take the sleeping tablets our GP prescribed because I have a house, and a business to run, and a baby to wake up for, and a life to live.

Thank you all for your wonderful messages.

Today's step, making it past surgery.

February 19, 2010

The Long and the short of it...

My blog is going to change, it's going to morph, and quite possibly it is not going to be the happy space it once was, all the time.

This last week I've had to imagine my life without my other half, about the uncertainty of life and how quickly it can be cut short.

I've learned that a single mother is an amazing creature, that one copes when they have to, and that you can in deed cry every night. That empty bed syndrome is very real, that the state of our Government Hospitals is so shocking that it's difficult to comprehend. That a child misses his father, even when he cannot speak and that your heart can break by looking at an X Ray. I've seen that I can be more angry than I ever imagined and that you can only bargain with God for so long before you no longer believe.

This week I've had to imagine my life without my husband, and the uncertainty of how long his life will be...

February 11, 2010

What Happened?

I've not wanted to write lately because I feel utterly lost and disillusioned.

It seems the whole world has been turned on its head. Where good people suffer and bad people prosper.

At what point did bad people earn more, obtain jobs, win money and live a generally happy life? While good, honest, hardworking people are made to sit and suffer, financially and emotionally. Where children fast their favourite foods in a bid to get God to answer their Mom and Dad's prayers for financial salvation, not through wealth, but through the sale of their home. Where women who have endured the unthinkable loss of their babies, have to watch other women who don't want children, fall pregnant everyday. When an educated, loving women has to endure the abuse of wealthy children everyday to earn a salary, far below what she is worth, and to somehow scrape the last cent to live.

I don't know. Something is seriously amiss in the world today. I feel that the obtainable is no longer, because I refuse to be anything less good than what I am.