For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a Mom. I've dreamed of my growing belly, of feeling my baby move and grow inside me, of holding them, and smelling them, and seeing their smile. The day I received the count on my 1st beta, the Fertility Clinic told me to be prepared for twins, my husband was petrified, I was ecstatic. I must confess, I was a little disappointed when we saw one heartbeat, I asked the Doctor if he was sure there was only one baby in there. Please don't lynch me, I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world, I just had this romantic dream of holding two babies.
I loved every second of my pregnancy, I spent so much time everyday, caressing my belly and watching it swell and grow. I eagerly followed growth mails, and read what was happening with my little one. I delighted in feeling him hiccough inside me, and loved every nudge, kick and punch. The birth was less than ideal, but I at least got to have the natural birth I longed for.
Holding my perfect little boy for the 1st time was the most amazing experience, and I know nothing will ever replace that, he didn't cry and was quite content to lay on my chest. I will never forget how he looked up at me with those beautiful eyes. He was so tiny and petite, I just couldn't believe that this little being had grown inside me, and instinctively knew that I was his Mom.
There have been rough times, but the bottom line is that he is a good baby. He doesn't fuss much, and hardly ever cries. He smiles and talks and loves everyone. I can see him grow a little more everyday and it's beautiful.
So, why have I lost my mind? Our son is barely four months old and I long to be pregnant again. There are moments where I wonder what I was thinking when I wished for it, but they are so few and far between. Jordan is all and more than I could ever ask for, but somehow my heart and body aches to be pregnant again.
Why? I really need some rational answers here, I'm at a loss.