Contemplation.....

So I'm contemplating a post. I need motivation to get my body back to tip top shape. I was thinking of posting a pic of myself, in a bikini to look back and see how far I've come while trying to get back into shape.

But! Here is the problem.

1. I have always had a really bad self image. I don't like what I see in the mirror, ever, and I have to work really hard to stay positive.
2. What if someone has something nasty to say?
3. I don't like people saying you don't need to do anything, you're perfect the way you are. I know when I feel comfortable in my clothes and when I don't.
4. This is not really about weight, but rather about toning the flabby bits. What happens if I don't see an improvement, will I spiral into another I hate my body discussion with myself?

So ladies, I really need your opinion here, do I do the post and follow up with pics and tips on what I've been doing to get back into shape, or do I leave it and continue to hope that my body will do what it did in my teens and jump back into shape?

10 Things you might not know about me

Been tagged by Mandy (http://wheresmandysbaby-mandy-leigh.blogspot.com/), so here are 10 things you don't know about me...

1. I am actually blonde. I was really tired of the high maintenance that came with being blonde and decided to dye my hair 1 shade lighter than black.


2. I dye my hair with Dark and Lovely, it's the best dye on the market.


3. I have only ever had one "grown up" job, found I couldn't handle working for a boss and have had my own business since the tender age of 21.


4. I married a man a whole lot older than me. I've never date anyone less than 10 years older than me.


5. I have a stationery fetish. If some one other than me touches any of my stationery it will be thrown away and a new one bought to replace the old one.


6. I am a control freak, and find it very difficult to deviate from plan.


7. I have a serious temper, and believe that a good fight is necessary in any great relationship. We are all individuals, we all have our own opinions.


8. I am the eldest of 3 girls and now have only boys in my life. (EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK)!!


9. I have a deeply profound love for chicken pies and cream soda Steri stumpies
10. I have only one piercing in each ear. No tattoos and no other piercings, because I have an irrational fear of needles. With all my fertility treatments, I injected myself, that way I was in control.

Tag whoever reads my blog....

The Votes are In

It seems that either;

1. Men are as shallow as we think, and will say anything to get into our pants.
2. They actually do like us far more before we put make up on and get self critical.
3. They like us in the morning because we haven't opened our mouths yet to moan about anything.

Personally, I think that it's number 3.

When are you Sexiest...

So, this conversation came up at a gathering on the weekend, and to say I was shocked at my husbands answer would be an understatement. Then, all the other husbands, boyfriends, significant others answered, and you could've blown me down with a feather.

And I thought men were generally shallow;

Question: "When do you think your wife is at her most irresistible, super sexy, wouldn't change a thing"?

Answer: "The moment she opens her eyes in the morning, when her hair is all messy, and she's all warm and cozy and still smells a little sleepy" or "when she wears that old pair of jeans with a white tshirt"!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weren't we programmed to believe that we needed to look like super models, perfect hair, perfect makeup, drop dead body, beautiful smile... you get the picture.

And it gets better. The general consensus between all the men was.... when there ladies wake up in the morning.

So here's what I want you to do please. Ask your significant other the all important question, and type the answer in my comments box please. I need to know whether my husband and friends are freaks.

Pam...

Before I start this post, I need to state that Pam will have me shot for it, but this little blogland is my place to vent my thoughts and share my emotions, regardless of whether they are positive or negative. Pammie, I'm sorry love, but you know how I feel, but I need others to know how I feel. You are a pillar of bright, shiny strength. I cannot believe how positive you are... you are a better person than me.

I've been putting this post off. I don't want to rant, and I'm loathe to say that I have been very angry.

Angry with the situation, angry with God, (which I hate feeling), angry that life can be so damned unfair, angry that good people suffer and bad people seem to prosper all the time.

For those of you who haven't read my blog, Pam is a very good friend of ours. In fact, she is a few steps down the aisle from being family. Two years ago, in November, I doctor butchered her whilst trying to locate an ectopic pregnancy, or inflamed appendix, or or or.... During their butchering of my friend, they found a tumor. Instead of getting hold of the on call Oncologist the doctor cut a piece of the tumor for biopsy. This of course caused the tumor to grow at an exponential rate. After being told that she was cancer free, and then told 2 weeks later that she had cancer, Pam started the long journey on Chemo. The first round of Chemo produced no results, the second a small result, but not enough to warrant the risk of operating and removing the tumor. She was sent to Cape Town a year later, and spent Christmas and her birthday in and out of hospital dealing with the side affects of radiation, more hair loss, nausea and the unknown.

Two months after coming home, she was sent back to Cape Town to get her results. Terminal, 5 years! She is 25 years old, in the prime of her life. She will never get to have kids, experience their smiles, see anything but the town she lives in, grow old, or die with dignity. She will essentially live out the rest of her days off of the shitty little Government grant she will receive from our corrupt system.

She has been robbed, deprived of her life.

I am angry...

and at the risk of sounding like a spoiled kid, IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!

New Born Shoot

Here are some photies taken by the super talented, unbelievably amazing Cherie Theron, of Cherie Theron Photography.

Thanks Cher. You're the best!

2 Months Old

I cannot believe that 2 months ago our lives changed so much. That a year ago, almost to the day, we were heart broken that the last fertility treatment hadn't worked. That a year ago, we were preparing ourselves mentally for "one last try", before funds ran out, and we would have to start saving again. That in one month we were going to get the ever elusive two lines on a stick, and that 9 months later we would be holding our beautiful baby boy.

2 Months Old

JHB TAXI

The person who wrote this is an absolute genius! We non taxi driving South Africans salute you.



ENJOY!!!



This morning, yours truly, decided to sneak in a pinch of top-secret and highly professional canoe training at Emmerentia dam, before the first farts of the sparrows could escape their imprisoning sphincters, and even before the glories-of-mornings of most non-gay South African men could rise to view the possible prospects of "before work" swims.
Yep, I was up and onto that little patch of water before sunrise, tearing around it at record-breaking pace, sneaking in a wee bit of pre-Duzi training in order to wrestle the crown away from the well slow and soft Martin Dreyer (present Duzi champion, for those of you not in the intellectual canoe mix) next time around.
Anyway, the details of my incredible canoe talent are not up for discussion here, but rather what happened on my drive home after the session, in rush hour traffic and, in particular, on Jan Smuts Avenue near to the Old Parktonian Sports Club around 8am.I was happily chilling in my car, cruising along at about 60kph, in pretty much bumper-to-bumper traffic, with nobody going anywhere any faster; it was simply not an option. Well, not an option for anyone with a brain, with an ounce of logic within their crania, with a drop of sense inside the membranes of their cerebral hemispheres. You'd think that a creature without a brain would equate to a fly or less, a category that includes mosquitoes, stones, anvils and......taxi drivers.
Yep,enter Sipho "I'm a dickhead without a brain cell" Ndlovo, driver of a Toyota Hi-Ace with 4 wheels, 1 brake pad, no lights, half a steering wheel, about 30 people inside and 3 masking-taped windows, standard issue for a South African taxi driver.
He had more than likely participated in the demonstration march last month with hundreds of other taxi driver idiots protesting about having had their 'vehicles' impounded for not being roadworthy. The rocket-scientists couldn't understand what wasn't roadworthy about a taxi with a bobejaan spanner for a steering wheel, or one without brakes (they reckon a handbrake is just as good as the foot brake pedal).
Anyway, my mate Sipho decided things weren't flowing fast enough for him so started weaving in and out of the traffic, arm hanging out of his window like a baboon's tail hanging from its ring piece.
I heard this aeronautical engineer-like taxi driver coming from about 5 cars back, because everyone was hooting and slamming on brakes to avoid the accident that he was trying his damnest to cause. After he narrowly missed the back of my canoe as he swerved in behind me I made a stubborn little vow that he definitely wouldn't be cutting in front of me like that, and so began the fun and games.
The bum-wart first tried the standard tactic of intimidation, just gradually cutting me off, in the typical "you'd better slow down and let me in, or I'll crash into you" method.Well, I used the typical "F_ck you faeces-brain" tactic, with one hand on the hooter, the other pointing straight at him, with my foot firmly on the accelerator, until he backed down like Mike Catt had done in 1995 when Jonah Lomu ran straight over him.This had a snowball effect, which had me chuckling the whole way back to my humble abode. Syphilis-face then decided to put all his well acquired driving skill to the test and adopted the smartest technique of them all, the "Eish, I weel ovah-take on the wrong side" method, one that sadly has caused numerous accidents in the past, including the untimely death of one of our awesome mates a year ago.
This made old Maccatini madder than a spitting cobra with a red hot cactus lodged up its rectum. No skin off the f_cking taxi drivers nose, he just accelerated more, and tried to cut in front of the double-cab in front of me, this after he had hooted at me and showed me a middle finger accompanied with a few swearwords, something that made me want to beat him harder than Campbell hit the gay boy who stabbed him repeatedly with a pen all those years ago!
Well, the fella in front of me had obviously also been observing the proceedings, and likewise refused to let Sipho Dickdribble Ndhlovo in so the acceleration by the monkey continued, while he tried his hardest to outstare the double-cab driver. Sadly for the nuclear physicist the emergency lane was shortly going to end, with a solid stone pavement to mark its ending.
More sadly for him was the fact that he, and his 30-odd passengers were all trying their damnest to "intimidate by staring" myself and the double-cab man, instead of watching the road ahead something that most brain-owners do when driving.
I saw it coming, and was smiling my full-tusk smile even before they hit!!
Anal-bum-wart hit that pavement at about 70kph, 31 passengers bumped their heads on the roof of the Hi-Ace in poetic unison, adding an extra 31 dents to the already-f_cked minibus, and the two front wheels were ripped off the chassis as the bus slid to a delightful halt.
Thankfully no passengers were hurt, which made it the most fantastic thing to witness. Sadly though, Sipho, arm still hanging out of the window,was also unscathed. However, his car was more f_cked than that prostitute at PE harbour named Deloris, and his mood was somewhat down-trodden.
I hooted and made sure he got the full-frontal of my biggest-ever super smile, as did the driver of the double-cab, and then to my absolute joy, looked in my mirror to see every driver behind me doing exactly the same!
The brain-cell-lacker had received his well-earned treatment! I was happier than the Proteas when they beat the Aussies, or at least as happy!!
So folks, what a peachy morning it has been so far. The sun is shining, it's Friday, I've done my training. There will be a lot of thirst quenched this weekend, and Sipho, Faeces-face Ndlovo is one mini-bus short of a taxi!
Now that is justice....!

SOME THINGS I HAVE LEARNED

My good friend Marthie has approximately 40 days to go until the arrival of her bundle of joy. I am so excited for her. In the middle of my two o' clock feed last night I began to think of all the things I learned during the birth of our little boy and afterwards.

So here is my assvice for any preggo ladies who are reading my blog.

Birth

1. Labour can happen all of a sudden, it's not always text book and not always picture perfect. Make sure all your bags, including your own is packed.
2. Buy pamper goodies for yourself, nice smelling shower gel, a new perfume, some easy to apply makeup. It makes all the difference when you can get up in hospital and make pretty. You'll feel like a woman!
3. Buy breastpads, even if you don't think you'll need them.
4. Buy cabbage and keep it in the fridge, you WILL need the leaves.
5. Put a packet of salt in your bag. Bathing your lady bits in it with some cold water will help you heal and give major relief.
6. Buy Cranberry juice.
7. Pack your camera and a lot of batteries. You won't have too many.
8. Pack your cellphone charger.
9. Keep an old towel handy. A maternity pad won't stem the flow of your waters if they break before you reach the hospital.
10. Don't leave your bags in the car when you get to the hospital, you'll just have to go back down to fetch them.
11. Be prepared for a LOT of internal exams.
12. Labour is a pain that you've never experienced, and will never experience again, unless you decide to have another child, but, it's manageable and empowering.
13. If you need to go number 2, do it, don't wait. It becomes really difficult to get off the toilet when you're done and you're contracting every 2 minutes.
14. If it all becomes too much to handle, don't take the pills. They don't help and they make you nausea's.
15. You are not less of a woman for wanting an epidural. They rock!!!!
16. Epidurals hurt when they are administered, and the stuff they spray on your back is REALLY cold!
17. You will have to have a catheter. You wont care.
18. There is a cheat button on the side of the gas mask they give you. USE IT!!!!!!!!
19. Switch the epidural off to push. It helps to feel empowered, and your amazing body knows exactly what to do.
20. When you push, only use the top half of your body, like you're doing a serious abdominal crunch. You conserve energy and it gives you the maximum effect.
21. Baby's head is the worst part. You will know it's his/her head because it will feel like some one has set your vee jay jay on fire.
22. When your baby is delivered and they hand him/her to you, you will cry, you will be overwhelmed with emotion, your body will shake, your mind will race and your heart will swell with love.
23. You will still have to deliver the placenta. You won't care!
24. The doctor and nurses will press on your stomach to get rid of all the other gunk inside you. You won't care!
25. You may need to get stitched up. You won't care!
26. The catheter will need to come out. You won't care!
27. The epidural will need to come out. You won't care!

After the birth

1. Get up and walk as soon as you can.
2. Shower as soon as you can.
3. Walk from labour to maternity ward, it helps.
4. You will need more than 2 packs of maternity pads. Nuff said!
5. Be prepared for stitches and bleeding checks.
6. Be prepared to have your blood pressure and temperature taken a LOT!
7. Drink as much cranberry juice to avoid bladder infection from the catheter.
8. Don't be afraid to say no to visitors. Spend this time, sleeping, bonding with your baby and your husband.
9. Don't be pressurised into signing up for the millions of things people offer you. If you don't want your baby's hearing checked just yet, that's fine.
10. If your hospital offers it, get them to register your baby for you. It's so convenient!
11. If your hospital offers it, get a midwife to come and visit you 3 days after you get home. Her advise will be invaluable and will set your mind at rest.
12. Remind your husband to put the snug 'n safe into your car. A lot of hospitals won't allow you to leave unless you have one.
13. When you get home, sleep when baby sleeps.
14. You will feel like your body will never be the same again. It will, and sooner than you think.
15. Eat when you can, you probably won't eat with your husband for quite some time. Baby's don't keep your schedule.
16. Buy formulae and a bottle just in case.
17. Don't be afraid to say no to visitors.
18. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
19. Don't be embarrassed. Your child is the most beautiful child ever born, and no one can tell you differently!
20. Your baby will turn yellow. It's normal and nothing that a little bit of filtered sun won't help.
21. And most importantly. Spend time staring at your little angel. Watch them sleep, watch them when they're awake. Take photo's, touch them, hold them, breath them in, and know that you, your husband and God created this miracle.

Enjoy every moment, they grow too fast!

Sad

Our little man had his injections yesterday. I'm sure I now know what it feels like to be a prison guard, walking a man to death row. Pretend all is fine, smile and make funny faces, all the time knowing that pain is about to be inflicted.

He is sore, sad, feverish and generally unhappy with life.... and I feel responsible.

Now we wait to do it all again in 4 weeks