June 17, 2010

2 Months After Diagnosis

Dear Jordan,

Your diary is late because I have hit somewhat of a snag. I just don't know how I'm supposed to end this memoir to you. Dad says I'll know when it's the right time. But somehow I'm not too sure.

Dad and I went to Mozambique together. What a magical place. You stayed with your Grumpy and Granny. Dad and I really has so much fun and we spent some quality time together, discussing Dad's wishes and our way forward. By the time we came home though, I was missing you so much. I vowed never to leave you at home again.

After we came back. Dad had his follow up appointment. I don't know what we expected, that perhaps the disease had somehow left him, maybe it was the holiday, and not thinking about it, or maybe it's because Dad looks so good. The cancer has spread to his glands, and both his lungs are filling with fluid again. There is nothing the medical fraternity can do about it. So we wait and see.

I so wish I could freeze time for you my son. I wish there were no discussions about funerals, estates and wishes for remains. I pray for more time, to give you the opportunity to spend it with your Dad. When I see how quickly you are growing I am so very proud, but so very sad too. When you walk down the passage shouting Dad, Dad my heart melts, and my mind races, wondering how long you have left to do that. But for now, we continue to be thankful that you have blessed our lives and that you can grow and feel our love for you.

We love you forever and always our son,

Dad and Mom


Sharon said...

The photo's of Moz look heavenly!!!! Glad to hear you both had a good time and are cherishing and making the most of your time together.
I cannot imagine what you're going through but think of you all often!

Martie xxx said...

Always thinking of you my friend. Im always here through thick and thin! Jordy is getting soooo big! I couldnt believe it when I saw him last week! Time is flying!

You are such a amazing women, wife and mother.

thoughts and prayers with your family!

Melanie said...

words seem to fail me, all I can say is that I am so so sorry, sorry that you have to go through this! You are wonderful woman, wife & mother! I admire you! You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers! xx

Natalie said...

Very sad post...mmm...love the last pic! Such a stunner...

Hope you are well my friend

Anonymous said...

Your holiday looked wonderful Nix. I can't imagine how it must feel knowing you have to talk about things like funerals and estates and the like all the while trying to make the most of the time you all have left together. You are incredibly strong.

Thinking of you always and I pray daily for you, Syd and Jordan.


darcie said...

thinking of you - xoxo

Zeu said...

Thinking and praying for you and your very special family, in these trying times!


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