June 30, 2011

Tell me what is it you plan to do with your wild and precious life ~Mary Oliver~

When I came across this quote by Mary Oliver it struck a chord deep inside me, I had become so wrapped up in my everyday struggle to survive that I had forgotten I have a whole wild and precious life ahead of me. That dispite Syd no longer being with me I have an infinite amount of possibilites open to me, that my dreams are still obtainable and that now more than ever I should hold tight to them and put them into action.

I have written about the familiar, and the need to return, but I feel the core of what was 'So this is life' has changed. I am changed, I am calmer, less in control and my life will never be the same. There are days where I beg and plead for one more day, to hold my husband, to talk to him and to feel his heartbeat against me but for the most part I have embraced the calmer me.

I have learned to accept that my house will never be perfectly neat again and I no longer stress about it. I have come to accept that the expectation of perfection from myself will ultimately be my demise. I have learned that sometimes, letting go is the most beautiful release.

I have embraced my role as a single mother and have learned to be a child once more so that I may too see the beauty and marvel that they do. My essence is still there but circumstances have molded me into something different, someone I am beginning to like and who will follow her heart into the unknown for the adventure and not for the sake of taking breath to live.

So, this is life is a closed chapter in my book...for now I will enjoy my wild and precious life.

2 comments:

Sharon said...

Nikki, I read your story in the Living & Loving magazine last night and I cried tears of sadness for your loss. Then today I read your blog post and felt tears of joy for you.
Wishing you exactly that... a wild and precious life!

kgaladi said...

I have always admired your spirit. You are an inspiration to me. Letting go is a healing process.