Pam...

Before I start this post, I need to state that Pam will have me shot for it, but this little blogland is my place to vent my thoughts and share my emotions, regardless of whether they are positive or negative. Pammie, I'm sorry love, but you know how I feel, but I need others to know how I feel. You are a pillar of bright, shiny strength. I cannot believe how positive you are... you are a better person than me.

I've been putting this post off. I don't want to rant, and I'm loathe to say that I have been very angry.

Angry with the situation, angry with God, (which I hate feeling), angry that life can be so damned unfair, angry that good people suffer and bad people seem to prosper all the time.

For those of you who haven't read my blog, Pam is a very good friend of ours. In fact, she is a few steps down the aisle from being family. Two years ago, in November, I doctor butchered her whilst trying to locate an ectopic pregnancy, or inflamed appendix, or or or.... During their butchering of my friend, they found a tumor. Instead of getting hold of the on call Oncologist the doctor cut a piece of the tumor for biopsy. This of course caused the tumor to grow at an exponential rate. After being told that she was cancer free, and then told 2 weeks later that she had cancer, Pam started the long journey on Chemo. The first round of Chemo produced no results, the second a small result, but not enough to warrant the risk of operating and removing the tumor. She was sent to Cape Town a year later, and spent Christmas and her birthday in and out of hospital dealing with the side affects of radiation, more hair loss, nausea and the unknown.

Two months after coming home, she was sent back to Cape Town to get her results. Terminal, 5 years! She is 25 years old, in the prime of her life. She will never get to have kids, experience their smiles, see anything but the town she lives in, grow old, or die with dignity. She will essentially live out the rest of her days off of the shitty little Government grant she will receive from our corrupt system.

She has been robbed, deprived of her life.

I am angry...

and at the risk of sounding like a spoiled kid, IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!